Car Salesman - Speak Out
" Traits of Pointless Meetings OR How to Make My Meetings Not Suck "
By: Brad Alexander
Meetings, meetings and more meetings; the mere mention of the word causes most people's eyes to glaze over subconsciously, like Pavlov's dog. Those who don't become reflexively bored get involuntarily nervous because they will be the meeting host's “whipping post” for all to witness. Still others look forward to meetings with morbid-anticipation. I've played Buzzword Bingo, an idea I stole from a Dilbert comic strip, to help pass the time. Occasionally an astute Executive might suspect something when after saying, “We need to create synergy .” I would eagerly nod my head and say “Bingo, sir.” Or I've played “Spot the miscue” wherein you wait for someone to butcher an analogy or just the English language in general. I had a manager that was supposedly coming against such opposition that he was “swimming uphill”. I caught the faux pas and won the game! So the big question is, “Why do meetings suck so badly?” There are many answers to this age old question. What we must first come to grips with is the fact that (some) meetings are in fact necessary. Information needs to be distributed to or gathered from the right people the most convenient way is to bring those people together and get it handled. I get that and don't mind that sort of informational assembly. Unfortunately those meetings are in the minority and in many cases they are shanghaied by someone with an agenda of their own and a 20 minute informational session is turned into an hour and a half mind numbing, counterproductive siege. So, let's identify what's wrong with meetings so we can prevent ourselves from ever committing these gaffes. Let me start by saying I have endured some rough, meaningless and stupid meetings. I had the honor (if you can call it that) of sitting in on the absolute worst meeting facilitator/moderator in all of American business history. You may say, “Oh no, my boss was the worst!” Save it, my former employer would shout profanity, racial epithets, grab his crotch, make sexist comments, pretend to talk out of his butt and even dry-fire a rifle in a crowded meeting room. In a sales meeting he announced that if we didn't like some new policy, he could replace us because salespeople are like trash, you can find some on any street corner. That's just the stuff the therapy hasn't erased. I'm not here to cover him or the like, let's give attention to things we can control and fix.
The ill-prepared speaker: You would think this is too obvious to mention but it is the number one reason for meeting suckiness. This happens most often when it's a regularly scheduled monthly or weekly yea even daily meeting. The speaker gets in a rut, doesn't prepare because it's just routine, “I'll be ready.” They say and then count on their awesome improvisation abilities. Then, when they ramble on for what always seems hours, going off on tangent after tangent never having a real goal or destination, they've talked themselves into such a fervor that their adrenaline is flowing. They are pumped! Man that felt like a good meeting. Look at your audience, did they walk out with the, dare I say, “Eye of the tiger” or did they file out with the dull stare of the dairy cow? The speaker may be jacked up because they just relived some great moments of their past. People don't want to know where you've been; they want to know where they are going. If you are not prepared I have 2 suggestions: cut the meeting short or simply cancel it. Saying nothing at all beats talking for an hour and saying nothing. Your people leave unprepared meetings lethargic, unmotivated, despondent, mad at you and wondering, “What was the point?”
The over-inviting host : When some people hold a meeting or seminar they think the bigger the audience the better. I mean come on, who couldn't benefit from time spent listening to me? Even if the topic doesn't directly affect that person, just an opportunity to sit at the master's feet while I speak will inspire all to greatness. There are very few people throughout history that command that type of audience and let me clarify for you; you are NOT one of them. Less is more when it comes to selecting your listeners. Choose and invite the people to whom your topic applies and no more. I remember sitting through a meeting because my computer was in the conference room. The manager was doing some “new hire” training which consisted of him exaggerating his accomplishments and bragging about them. A sales rep from another crew walked in to get some paperwork. He heard what was going on and tried to quickly get in and get out without being sucked into the vortex of the meeting. The speaker paused and said, “Hey, you might want to stick around, you may get something out of this.” The sales rep couldn't even come up with a tactful way out, he just looked and the manager and said, “No thanks.” The he turned on his heel and walked out. The manager was certain the aforementioned sales rep was never going to make it with that attitude and went back to molding the minds of his crew. I just remember wishing I could have left too, but alas I was chained to my computer. Wow, I feel like I went off on a tangent there. Back to business.
The open floor meeting : When a meeting is called and the facilitator touches on a couple topics briefly and then opens it up to everyone and anyone to speak their mind. Typically what happens is the same person every time commandeers the meeting and forces themselves upon everyone. These meetings usually focus totally on the negative and the only thing that is resolved is the fact that the meeting sucked. Feedback is needed but it needs to be a controlled situation. The best way is to open it up at the beginning or end of the gathering for quick input. The meeting facilitator must be strong enough to rein in anyone that attempts to hijack the meeting. “Let's stay on point” is a great phrase. Or, “Get back with me later on that situation”. If the sole purpose of the meeting is just feedback, gripes, complaints and concerns; you and your assembly are doomed.
The public rebuke meeting : If your meeting could start by you saying, “We are gathered here today to corporately address the misdeeds of one employee. Due to the severity of this situation and my own self-importance all work must stop while I pontificate”, stop the meeting before it starts, please! First off we praise-in-public and punish-in-private. The fact is the person already knows they screwed up so handle it. Dragging your entire staff into the situation doesn't create awareness, it creates resentment. In the military it creates “blanket parties” (see Full Metal Jacket if you are unfamiliar with blanket parties). You publicly humiliate the individual and you frustrate the rest of the employees because they are wondering, “Why do I need to hear this? I didn't use a company car to pick up a paid escort that turned out to be an undercover cop.” Deal with the individual individually and if need be at your next scheduled meeting you can restate the companies policy on using vehicles for official company business only.
So, what should a meeting be and how often should I have them? How about never, does never work for you, ‘cause it works for me. OK, that's unrealistic. Have your meetings when absolutely necessary. If they are informational then, get in, inform and get out. If you must have regularly scheduled meetings a simple format is: information, education and motivation. Provide necessary information (change in company policies or areas to focus etc), give some education be it product or process and finally give them some motivation. Whether it's a bonus to shoot for or just words of encouragement or inspiration. Always end on the motivation. Send your troops out on a high. If after the motivational portion of the meeting you remember that you didn't mention some corporate policy or employee parking memo, just let it go. Seriously, give them individual reminders or post a memo in a common area. Don't be a buzz-kill. Should anyone be reading this whose meetings I have attended let me say, your meetings don't suck, it's the other meetings I'm referring to. Your meetings make me create synergy. Bingo!
Brad Alexander
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Brad Alexander is a Corporate Sales Trainer and Author of
The Paint Won't Lick Itself: Simple Truths For Selling Cars |
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